My relationship with food is like a spring break fling

With Spring Break next week I started thinkin about the college kids going off to tropical places to over indulge in alcohol, food, and sex.
My relationship with food is very similar to that of a college student and spring break. I mentally prepare for the event (each meal), then I over indulge in a manner that I swear at times can almost be orgasmic, making me lust for the next bite. I will even hide and eat, like a booty call on the sly. I enjoy the sweet pleasures of my treat/meals/snacks, and come out of my closet brushing the crumbs off my clothes.

Why do I do this to myself? In all actuality the pleasure of gorging myself only lasts for the moment. Once done, I feel miserable, self conscious, and even at times guilty. ( see the similarities to the sexfests that happen on spring break? Not that I ever partook in all that. ;) )

As all spring breaks come to an end so does this current relationship I have with food. I have to mentally put myself in a place where I focus on food being food, not this great escape with no recourse for my actions. After all food does not come with the slogan "what happens here stays here", it's actually just the opposite. Foods slogan is "what happens here stays on my ass for the next 10 years!"

As lame as it sounds I'm gonna have to ask myself is it worth it. Is it worth the extra time in Hell sessions? Is it worth the miserable feelings? Is it worth that feeling of being unattractive? My guess is most the times I'll say "NO" but there will be times where I'll say "YES, now give me the f**ing chocolate."...lol..

I, by no means am trying to be a cookie cutter perfect eater, dieter, blah blah. I just want to make better choices that can help me lead a healthier life. A life where I feel more comfortable in my own skin, and my clothes. A life where I can be lined up with a group of my friends and not have to hold my breath to suck in my gut.... Yep that's what I'm striving for..